i’m tired

i’m so tired of trying to figure out the best way to convince my family member’s, particularly grandmother and her daughters, my aunt and mother, to be more charitable to each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt instead of demonizing each other, this has taken up like 15 years of my emotional life and energy and i’m just tired now, i’m really tired of being stuck in the middle of an ongoing battle of generational and interpersonal conflict between these adults; why do i have to be the family counselor and every time i have problems it’s always “you just have to get over it” or “move on” or “pray and it’ll get better”. i get almost zero meaningful life advice only uncritical cynicism or blind faith-appeals, meanwhile they are constantly emotionally dumping on me for 15 years now; this serial, plague of fatherlessness of three generations doesn’t help, nor does the quite salient sexist framing i’ve come to expect now that says i cannot understand things after i’ve been dumped on, and i’m perpetually grounded in unknowing and futility, or that my appeals to psychology or sociology or public evidence are almost always considered “high talk” and treated with suspicion or as if “brain-washing” from “academic” values (of course, why should i not be surprised that my education should be viewed as a kind of “millennial assault”, and that i am viewed as undermining the family worse than their interpersonal conflicts: the only jewish saying that “a family that bickers stays in poverty”; just as obvious: support women, believe women, but my gosh, it’s crushing me and all i get is more anxiety and loss of hope: and anyway, which woman?! now i need to be trained in intersectionality and family counseling to deal with a serially fatherless family that is structurally economically unsound and handicapped by multiple modes of anti-blackness and patriarchy injecting itself so to undermine them and tax me emotionally too?)




nobody leaves the cave before the end of a new dawn https://modal-forces.surge.sh

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nobody leaves the cave before the end of a new dawn https://modal-forces.surge.sh

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